All This Time.

And I'm back at it... Or at least I'm going to try. I've been writing a lot, but not on here and I'm thinking that perhaps what I have to say is worth something to someone.

As I have been driving around the past several weeks I've repeatedly heard a song on the radio by Brit Nicole called All This Time. Now I'm not a huge fan of Christian radio as A LOT of the songs are super cheesy, but this song has kept coming on and it has hit me deep down EVERY. Time. Here are the lyrics.

I remember the moment
I remember the pain
I was only a girl
But I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom
So alone
I was doing my best
Trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time
From the first tear cry
To today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there
You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day
it's been clear to me
That no matter what comes
You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring


Every heartache and failure
Every broken dream
You're the God who sees
The God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story

I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe?
Well I'm not the same me
And I saw the proof I need
I felt Love I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day

You've been walking with me all this time

All this time
From the first tear cry
To today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there
You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time


So I could leave it here and not say anything else, but there's much more to this than meets the eye. This song takes me back to my freshman year of college at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wa when I first met Jesus flat on my face on my dorm room floor. I was 18 years old. I was broken beyond broken. I was needing Jesus and I was dying. I was spiritually dead, but my body was dying. I had been starving myself for a few years and literally was not bringing in the nutrients my body needed. Some of you who may end up reading this will remember that time... perhaps even better than I can remember it as I was so lifeless that I don't really remember what was going on. In August of 2002 My parents (the saints they are) permitted me to leave, move away, and enter college as I was slowly killing myself. My parents surrendered their control and did the most loving thing they could for me... they let go. I believe that this is a big reason of why I ended up recovering, healing, and emerging from the broken places....my parents loved me enough to entrust me to Jesus. Roughly 5 months into my freshman year I came back to my dorm room one Sunday morning and for the first time saw myself with clear eyes. I was a skeleton. I was lifeless. I remember fixating on the mirror and wondering why I had never seen myself this way. Moments later I heard audibly, "Katie, You are loved. You are cherished. I died for you. I can make you whole." I remember dropping to my knees, tears running down my face, and meeting Jesus in a real way for what I believe was the first time. I knew Jesus, but I never truly KNEW Him. This was remarkable. I was tired of starving myself. Of working diligently to be a better thin girl. You'd never believe how exhausting it is to count calories at every second of the day. So consuming. Jesus offered me rest. Real rest. And healing. He's never left me even when I've turned my back and said, "He's not real. His word isn't true." He remains. He's been walking with me all this time. And when I do have broken dreams, and rough weeks, and really really hard times... I know that He is real. He's loved me beyond my brokenness, He's remained true to me even when I have betrayed Him. He is Legit. I'm not typically too open about this time of my life, but goodness I'm reminded that God is a healer and he is GOOD. Praise be to God. I'm so thankful. Thank you to my friends and family that stuck it out with me...for believing that God would restore me out of the broken places... for believing when I was unable to believe.... for being faithful even when I had nothing left to offer. I am blessed.