Monday, March 07, 2005
i keep thinking that i have friends here..... i suppose i'm wrong..... it must be something about me... i push people away. i am quite sick of this all and i am not wanting to be here in Slo AT ALL....i want to be home.... this is not home. i don't have a family here. people care when it's convenient and apparently it's not often. my heart breaks immensely. i am soooo lonely. God calls us to be in fellowship, but no one seems to want their fellowship to include me. i hate being a transfer student... people don't realize that i have NO friends. why try anymore? i am sick of feeling rejected and unwanted.... i am sick of crying my eyes out at night..... i am sick of feeling accepted for a little bit then left out the next. i am sick of people telling me they care when their actions would prove otherwise. i am in search of my running shoes again because i can stand this.... i threw them away, but i am not ready to do so.... away i run.... i won't be missed....
1 comment:
I know how you feel, I transfered here last quarter... everyone seems to already have their friends. For the longest time i always wanted to be somewhere else where i have friends. Then I realized, God is truly all I need, friends help and Godly friends are encouraging and needed. Part of me didn't want to make new friends cause I liked the ones I already had, they'd keep me accountable and encourage me.
Recently God has been showing me that if I want friends I need to put the effort in. I need to strive for God centered relationships. Not that I am or ever had been good at that, my past taught me to hold everything in. But that is no excuse!
God has been blessing me lately showing me people's hearts and their desire for God to be glorified. Basically He has been providing the friends and accoutablilty I need; more is good yes, but that to come.
So after two quarters things are beginning to fall into place and I'm just trusting God to do His will in my life (as long as I strive for obedience to His Word). Hope this is some encouragment and hope to see you thursday. <>< jill (2 Cor 12:9-10)
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