midterms are over and yet i have no motivation to start back at the newly accumlated homework. i thought i was done?? but no. finals are now in the future. grr. i'm sick of this...or am i? i don't know anymore. i am feeling pretty bad about myself.... i am in need of activity. i have been lazy for several weeks mainly because i've been sick, but i need activity in my life now. hmmm...i'm going climbing tonight which will be good. i'll probably be horrible since it's been forever! but i'm looking forward to it. maybe once i'm active again i'll be motivated... wait that's probably not true... once my focus is on Jesus i will be. that's good. i am tired. my mind is ready to not think for more than a few days. i am excited for several days off next week... but i guess i will still have to do homework.... yay for school. maybe i should stop complaining. i have it so much better than a lot of people. sooo new in my life... i'm considering fresno state for grad school.... i swore to myself that i would never move back, but i guess things change. i don't know that i want to live in fresno, but i think it will be a good place to get on my feet and get started rather than dig myself farther and farther into debt. maybe i'll just move to central america tomorrow and won't have to do this school thing anymore.... that'd be cool. hmm we'll see. i just don't know what i want right now and i think that's okay. i'm not sure why i'm in school or what keeps me here... but i'm here for a reason.
thank you Jesus for knowing my needs before i think of them and for meeting them every single time. i want to be madly in love with you and i want only you. i need to make more time for you.... i need to be alone in silence and wait on you. what am i waiting for??
alright class is calling my name.... i will journey up the hill i've walked up many a times and go through the motiions yet another day. some times we just have to keep going and be disciplined even when we're not sure why we do it.....

here i go....