"Beauty From Pain" - Superchick

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn



I just came across this song and am praising Jesus because I am seeing how He makes beauty from ashes and brings joy in the morning. The past 5 years have been a series of ups and downs. I remember so clearly the pains and trials of battling full on with anorexia and being milimeters away from my death bed and wanting only to be smaller. I remember the pain and aches of fighting my parents and insisting that I wasn't hungry and refused to eat. I remember not knowing what to do and wanting only to cry when my patterns were broken or I was in an unfamiliar situation. I remember being sick with every little bug passing through because of my compromised immunity. I remember the eyes... everywhere the eyes... of people watching me and looking at me as I slowly wasted away. The road didn't get easy when I started eating again... it got harder. The weight that seemed to multiply like bunnies on my body and the clothes not fitting, and feeling uncomfortable in my skin, and fighting the urge to go back to not eating, but I had to keep moving forward. It was hard. Then I come to find out I have brought upon myself brittle bones and teeth, compromised immunity (now lupus), and pretty hardcore anemia. Yup I did it to myself, but Jesus is good. I came out of a really heart wrenching break up and had to really figure out who I am. It's been an incredible process. The past year has been one of healing and one of exploring who the heck I am in Christ, and what He's done over the past 5 years. I remember not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It seemed impossible to think I'd make it out alive.... I am able to look in the mirror and more or less be satisfied with what I've got. I have become an endurance athlete... finished my first triathlon and am in training for a half marathon in october... completed my first 10 mile run yesterday. I am learning how to take care of this body and while I don't always care for what it looks like I have to keep in mind that it's my temple and I am called to honor it. God is brought me so far. I have enjoyed watching Him refine me and mold me into His own. The Lord has brought me through fire to purify me and I am so blessed. Praise Jesus!