I cried today. I hadn't cried in two weeks, but today.....I cried. My savior loves me, I know that. I don't doubt it for a minute, but I want to be loved by others. I don't understand how someone can be so excited one day then not the next. It tears me up inside. I want to be loved. I want to know that feeling. I want to be told to turn to the Word...although I often forget that that is what I want. Part of me wants to be asked how I'm doing and talked to by a friend....I got some time with my savior today. it was good. i drove out to the ocean...montana de oro...and watched the waves roll in...and the clouds which the sun peeked it's head out. God was calling my name. I came back and was blessed to find myself at my favorite hang out/fellowship place. I was told to read Psalms 61 & 62.... i did. I was blessed. thank you friend. thank you Jesus for loving me unexpectedly in ways I couldn't have asked for. i am in a spot that is inbetween joy and not joy. i can see joy. i can see not joy. it's tough....but i don't have to stay here. God calls me out. i hear His voice....Lord I'm coming.