Mayday...came and went. Our college group had the spring retreat this weekend and it was wonderful. i seem to always be quite skeptical going to retreats because i absolutely hate coming back after an amazing weekend. don't get me wrong i love the restful sleep in my own bed upon returning, but.... the 24hr fellowship ends, the teaching multiple times a day is no more, and the quietness of the mountains is replaced by chaos and busy schedules. i spent a lot of time with good people this weekend.... i spent not enough time being silent, but the time that i did was blessed and God began to mend up areas of my heart that are torn to pieces. while the weekend was physically draining it was spiritually rejuvinating. I looked at areas of my life that are sinful and realized that those are only keeping me from God, yet No matter what i do today, I am still counted righteous and I am still saved by His grace. that's encouraging. i laughed more than i had in a long time, i smiled because i couldn't hold back, i cried because my heart aches to feel acceptance, I cried because i know in fact that He does love me even when i don't feel it. i am struggling to fight against the lies that the world tells me over and over again about how i'm not nor will i ever be good enough. i know that one day i will wake up and it will click....God loves me regardless, He chose me, He makes no mistakes, I am beautiful, and I was made in His image. I am hopeful so I will wait, trusting that He who created the Heavens and the Earth will wipe away the immense pain and replace it with everlasting joy. i love you dear friends.