my eyes are heavy...i am exhausted...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. i thought spring break would be a time to relax and be in a vegetative state not thinking about how much i long for affection from others or how i want so much to know God's joy, but instead i spent much of spring break reflecting on these thoughts. i spent about half of my spring break here in slo reading, sleeping, sleeping some more, learning how to play guitar, reading, being silent, freaking out about my car, learning how to longboard, sleeping, and baking bread. i spent time with my friends....i was about to write friends from church, but really those are the only friends i have so whatever. anyways....it was good. i went home for a little while as well which is never relaxing, but much needed to catch up with family. soo my spring break...it's basically over...but today is Easter. i love Easter. this is the first time i'm not spending it with my family of some sort, but it has been a good day thus far. i drove back from fresno early this morning, went to church at Grace, played guitar a bit, skateboarded, and now i'm home again until the next activity. tomorrow the quarter starts. ugh. i am less than motivated to go to school anymore...one more year. but anyways...God is truly amazing and completely sovereign. i have many wants and desires that are secondary to the longing for Christ yet somehow it's so easy to forget that i need Christ and the others are not necessary. i am so very selfish...this is something i know and that i cannot dwell on because i will just bash myself which isn't good either....i can never win. that's the point. i don't have to...Christ did it all for me. i feel like i'm talking in circles...i probably am. basically i want what i don't need and i forget that i need what is being given to me and i overlook it daily...i say, "no thanks, i'd rather hang out with friends...or i'd rather have intimacy"....i need Jesus....I want my identity to be found solely in Him....not in what i say i am or how others view me....he chose me and man i need to be thankful for that and not take it for granted. okay i'm done. my head hurts.