weekends are hardest for me. my lack of social life makes it difficult to enjoy being here. i want friends, but i'm afraid to open up. there's a christmas party tonight, but a lot of people that all know eachother and i only know one person. sound thrilling?? yeah i didn't think so either. so as it stands i'm not going to go. i hate that i'm so socially phobic. but i guess i will study tonight and be a good student or something like that. maybe one day i'll have friends. maybe not...i have Jesus and although that doesn't always sound too comforting I know that He is all I need. maybe not all i necessarily want, but i don't always want the best for me. so there ya go. i suppose i will spend another night at home alone and I will do my best to find joy in that. alright lets do this!