hello all. well it's been a few days since my last post, but i'm back. it was a long weekend. not so much long as it was hard. i have this thing about me that i really have a hard time loving myself as God has made me. i feel that everything that goes wrong is my fault and that i am a horrible person. i think that this pushes people away from me. and that really sucks. i feel really lame that I cannot love who God has made me to be, but i am awaiting the day where i will be able to do so. i am in my saturday between death and resurrection where i am waiting for new life like john waited at jesus's tomb on the day between his death and resurrection. that's from max lucado's "he chose the nails" a good book indeed. so this weekend i found myself feeling very lonely. i know that there are people who care about me, but a lot of times i feel like it's only when it's convenient for them. well ok that's how i feel in bakersfield...i made myself vulnerable to early on and got hurt and now i don't want to trust people and feel like i have pushed them away. hmm....it's a tough place for me right now. so that's how i've been feeling for awhile....but God never promised that life would be easy....just that He wouldn't give me something that was too big for Him and I to handle together. other than that stuff....classes started back up today. it should be an okay quarter. only two classes on campus and one online. not too easy, but nothing difficult either. so that's good. i am anxious to be done with this quarter. i am even more anxious to go visit whitworth next week....i cannot wait to see Amy!!! okay...well i'm excited....yay! well friends...i am going to go to bed soon...not that i have class tomorrow, but that i need to rest my mind and heart from the past couple of days....okay so blessings on you all...
-katie